My painful, broken past
In Islam, there are 99 names for God. None of them is 'father'. For Muslims, God is not a father. He is a judge. I come from a family of six children. My father never showed us love. When I heard others talk about the love and support they received from their fathers, I had no idea what they meant.
My father was filled with anger. He abused us mentally and physically, especially my mother. She was beaten almost to death several times and then left to die. But her life was saved every time. My mother always put up with this to protect us children. I also remember the day my father kicked my 19-year-old brother to kill him. My brother had to flee barefoot into the street.
When I was old enough, I left Iran so I could get away from my father and find a better life. I had always had a negative view of men. I questioned why God had given men so much power. I tried to be a strong woman. I was very much against men. I was also depressed and tired of life.
"I wanted to die, but I didn't want to commit suicide because I thought it would shame my mother."
One day, when I was alone in my room, I spoke to God for the first time. I had given up Islam, which had always put me second and made me weak. I prayed to the God I didn't know, but whose presence I felt very clearly. I wanted to die, but I didn't want to commit suicide because I thought it would shame my mother. So I asked God to kill me. But God didn't kill me. God gave me life. Let me tell you how.
Found joy in a church
A week later I met with an Iranian woman. When I opened my heart to her, she told me that she didn't believe in any religion, but her daughter had become a Christian and had been transformed. She asked if I would like to join her church. God works in marvelous ways: he used a non-believer to witness to me.
I went to church for the first time and it was a very strange experience for me. It was a place I had never been before and there was an atmosphere that I had never experienced before. I felt the presence of God and the people there were very loving. They had names like Muhammad and Zahra, which are Muslim names. I didn't know that Muslims could become Christians. The men were different. I felt that they didn't have an impure look. They worshipped with joy and in my mother tongue, Persian. I had always wondered why I had to speak to God in Arabic, a language I didn't know. Why was my mother tongue not good enough?
"From that day on, God healed my broken heart to the point where I could stop taking my medication."
Until now, I had been on antidepressants. I had to take them every day. If I didn't take them, I sometimes fainted. At the end of the sermon that day, the speaker encouraged everyone to believe in Jesus and said that Jesus is the healer. From that day on, God healed my broken heart to such an extent that I could stop taking my medication. From the very beginning, I experienced a joy that I had never felt before.
Learned to see God as Father
But I had a big challenge ahead of me. I had to learn to accept God as my father. For me, this word was not a word that gave honor to the God I had come to know. For me, 'mom' would have been a much better word.
But God wanted to reveal himself to me. He did so with perfect patience and gentleness. When I read the Bible, I saw the Father's grace and love. When I prayed, I felt the Father's attention. When I worshipped, I felt the Father's embrace. He healed my past, my present and my future, and He has transformed me.
He even enabled me to truly forgive my earthly father. Before, I hated the word 'father'. Now I worship God my Father with fervent love and devotion. I worship Jesus Christ as the Lord, the one who has saved my soul. I love to walk with the Holy Spirit who is always with me.
My family will be restored
I was the first in my family to become a Christian. I shared the gospel with my mom. She said that at her age of 60, it was too late to change. But over time, the love of Christ won her heart and today she worships Jesus. I told my nephew about Jesus. Today he worships Jesus.
When my sister-in-law had a problem, I prayed for her and shared a Bible verse. Today, she worships Jesus. My sister saw the changes in my life. Today she worships Jesus. One of my brothers was an atheist. But today he worships Jesus. I saw eleven people come to Christ.
But not my father. He had left my mother for another woman half his age. It was very painful for my family, and for a long time no one spoke to him. But one day God put it on my heart that I should call and talk to him. I started talking to him regularly, and also to the young woman he had married, who was my age. One day on the phone, my father told me that he had cancer. His young wife left him. My mother, who had grown in her faith, made the courageous choice to travel and care for him on his deathbed. Three days before he died, I called and spoke to him one last time. It was difficult, but Jesus encouraged me to share the gospel with him again. I told him about the robber next to Jesus on the cross. I said: "Like the robber, you can still be forgiven." My mom was there holding his hand as he smiled and asked Jesus for forgiveness.
Helping other women talk to their Dad
In Islam, people do not identify God as father. But praise be to God, he has worked in Iran. And many, many people like me are discovering their heavenly father. Today, I am fortunate to be part of Elam's team (Danish European Mission's partner for Iran) for ministry among women. I have been able to teach many women like myself about their Father in heaven. I never thought that my story would impact so many other lives. I have had the opportunity to tell many hundreds of Iranian women about what my Father has accomplished in my life. I talk about Father's faithfulness, Father's love, Father's generosity, Father's attention and Father's authority.
Recently, after I shared my story at a women's ministry conference, a woman named Haleh came up to me. She was crying. She said to me: "My father is a very abusive man. My sisters and I have always been afraid of him. He stopped us from going to school and forced us to work in a factory. He beat us and beat us up. One terrible day we saw him arguing with another man. He took his gun and shot him in front of us.
From that day on, we lived in fear that he would shoot us too." It was not surprising that Haleh could not see God as her Father. But after much prayer and teaching, she was finally able to speak to God as her Father. It was so touching to see. Everyone started crying when she did it. The next day, Haleh sang a new song to God about him as her Father, and just like a little girl, she danced for her father.
You can make it possible for even more Iranians to have access to the Bible, where they can read about faith in Jesus and get to know God as their father. It costs around 80 DKK to give an Iranian a Bible in Farsi. Some of the Bibles are smuggled into Iran, where it is illegal to own a copy, while other Bibles are distributed to Iranians living in more open countries in the Middle East. Thank you for helping to support the distribution.
