My stepmother was always angry with my siblings and me, and she came from a family that sold and took drugs. Soon my father also started selling and using drugs. It didn't take long before we lost our house, the car, his job - everything. When I turned fifteen, I was forced to leave school and work full-time to help my family.
If I didn't bring money home, my stepmother wouldn't let me eat or take a shower. She called the police several times and told lies about me. She had me arrested just to get me out of the house for a few days. Then they married my sister off when she was only 13 years old. I got very upset.
"I was angry at everything and everyone"
When I turned 20 years old, I left Iran to get away from my family. With just a backpack and nine dollars on me, I ended up in a big city in a neighboring country. Unfortunately, my life didn't get any easier, mostly because I was angry at everything and everyone. Every morning I woke up scared and with tears in my eyes. I realized that I was broken and had no hope.
That's when my daily mantra came up: "Even if everyone in the world became doctors and counselors, they still wouldn't be able to help me". I decided it would be better to end my life because I wanted to go somewhere better and I had no hope in this world.
A little red book
Around the time I was contemplating suicide, I received a red New Testament. That gift would change the course of my life. I wanted to read it, but something inside me was afraid. My inner voice said: "Don't touch that book!" But another part of me was so hungry for a reason to live that I chose to ignore my reluctance. In a few days, I read the entire New Testament. It felt like I had found what I needed. In Jesus, I saw the kindness and love that I had been missing for so many years. In my suffering, I met the suffering Christ.
A war in my heart
I wanted to go to church to learn more - and I knew there was a Persian-language church nearby - but for some reason, every time I went there, I stopped at the door and couldn't go in. This went on for three months. Looking back, I think there was a war going on in my heart between the darkness and the light of God. In the end, it was an older man who helped resolve the conflict within me. One day, as I stood frozen at the door of the church, the old man grabbed my arm and said gently but firmly, "I know what you're struggling with." And then he pulled me inside.
I had never been inside a church before. When the doors to the church opened, I saw a cross hanging on the wall. Instantly, all the fear, darkness and hopelessness that had filled me disappeared. For the first time in many years, I felt peace. I gave my life to Jesus. As I grew in faith, I learned to love God's Word. I am alive today because the New Testament was available in my language, because there were brave Christians who took the time to give me the little red book, and because there was a church I could go to and learn about the message of the Bible. It wasn't easy then, and it's not easy now. But I see the goodness of God all the time.
Peace in the family
A few years ago, my heart softened towards my family; I wanted to tell them that Jesus loves them. I got in touch and during our phone conversation, my stepmother confessed that she had a guilty conscience. She had wanted to talk to me but had been too ashamed. My father and stepmother asked what they could do to make me forgive them. So I told them about the forgiveness God had given me in His grace. How could I not forgive them when I had been forgiven so much? Later, I also had the opportunity to share Jesus with my brothers and sisters. Everyone in my family has since repented and decided to follow Jesus. Praise be to God!
As a young man, I was so broken that all the doctors and counselors in the world couldn't help me. But Jesus could. And now, because of Him, I can give the New Testament to everyone - even to the doctors and counselors who don't yet know Him.
